No One Has Fought Harder

It's the sort of thing you always dream about: someone who fights for you--for your love.

Well it's more than that. Because we live in a world where dreams are often squashed and traded for something less-than, where we try to make it on our own and slap a smile on our face so no one digs any deeper, where sometimes it very hard to keep from hardening and even harder to keep ahold of your heart. So you need someone to fight for more than your love, you need someone to fight for your heart so that when the time comes, you actually have love to give.

And no one has fought harder for my heart than him.
When I was 15, I spent most days with friends, laughing until my stomach ached with coming up with all sorts of new games and adventures. I looked up interesting facts about things like kangaroo rats in the library and got into marker wars at lunch, used way too many "lol"s in my im conversations, and couldn't wait to see the newest Harry Potter movie. "I'm such a little kid!" I said jokingly one day getting into a friend's car.

Jk turned to me, "No, you're one of the strongest and most mature people I know," he said with such sincerity that I almost broke down in tears. He was the first person to ever voice that to me--the first person to actually see deep inside and somehow understand how everything else in my life was shaping me.

And then months later, as I rode in his car again, I found myself struggling to keep everything together.  I tried desperately to keep my smile from all my fun at school even though everything about my family was tearing me up inside, and I willed myself over and over not to cry. And he stopped the car, and handed me a teddy bear from his back seat and just sat with me. For the first time in ages, I felt safe to cry. And as I did, Jk pulled me close and whispered for the first time that he loved me.

The night my brother died, he was there again, wrapping his arms around me as I cried for hours, and Jk spent that time praying for me--fighting ardently for my heart. And it was then that I finally decided that love was worth it--even if the person you loved would only be with you for a little while.

In college when I found myself frustrated with state standards and absurd educational regulations, Jk was there again. We sat and he told me that more than anything he wanted me to be happy, and that I should teach wherever I wanted. "You get paid less at private schools," I said sadly. "So?" he replied. "I don't even want to teach." "Then you don't have to," he said. Jk was the one who pushed Paired more than anyone--wanting us to both find jobs that speak to our hearts and ignite that same fire in others.

He's always believed in me.

He's the first one to read all my blogs, the one who stays awake late listening to all my stories, and is always wanting to hang up my artwork. He vanquishes all the lies I hear in my insecurity, will make dinner when he's exhausted from work, and will even pray for my father though he's caused us both worlds of pain.

He always told me I should be with someone better, but he never knew he was the one who always fought hardest for my heart.

And that's why I gave it all to him.

And that's why this first year of marriage has been the most joyous and blessed year of my life so far.