Timmy the Tooth and BrushBrush Would Be Proud

I did something today that made me so very happy--I finally made myself a dentist appointment! Every night whilst flossing (yes I floss, and I hope to inspire you all to do the same), and staring at my big smile in the mirror I think "I need to go to the dentist.. I miss going to the dentist.. I like my teeth clean." I also think "I probably could be a vampire."... but that's another entry. I've been meaning to make an appointment for a long time now--it's hard when I'm off in another state to remember things like that. But I finally did. Which led me to think about dentist visits in general...

I like going to the dentist. I like all the free stuff (even if its just purse-size floss, small toothpaste tubes, and a 25 cent toothbrush). I like the way my teeth feel super smooth and shiny. I like getting the tooth-shaped appointment reminder cards. I like choosing my fluoride flavor, and I like biting on the cardboard squares when they X-ray my mouth (yet another connection to me being a vampire... my affinity for biting things).

But there are many pet peeves I have while visiting the dentist. They are as follows:

1. The toothpaste is always grainy.

2. They never squirt enough water in mouth to allow me to properly rinse.

3. They floss too hard.

4. While we're on this subject... It's just weird having someone else perform your daily tasks (aka brushing your teeth for you).

5. You have to wear a silly bib.

6. I get asked questions (without yes or no answers) while they are doing things in my mouth.

7. I get accused of not flossing.

8. Despite the fact I am no longer 12 years old, I am still coerced into chewing those purple tablets that point out all my brushing flaws.

9. The dentist comes in for 45 seconds, pokes all my teeth, tells me I have a crooked bottom tooth and then leaves abruptly--every time!

10. The fluoride seeps out of the mouth guard and makes it look like I've been drooling for the full minute.

11. They don't let me play with the sucky thing very much.

12. They always tell you your face is clean but there's always toothpaste like on your forehead and nose (which is why other people should not brush your teeth for you).

13. My lips and tongue is purple for the next 2 days or so from the chewing tablet.

14. They never have the toothbrush color I want.

15. The rubber gloves the dentist and nurses wear taste funny.

16. They always drag out the picture of me from when I was 13 with greasy bangs, braces, and overalls that were like 12 sizes too big to show what my teeth used to look like.

and..... You can't eat or drink for 30 minutes after.