For Your Eyes Only

After countless hours of watching Burn Notice, I have henceforth decided it might be in my best interest (in the sense that I would find it very interesting) to become a spy. So, in the event that I should have to grapple with the decision to accept or reject a government offer to do so, I have compiled a pro/con list of my personal aptitude for the position:

Pros:

• I have lots of black clothes.
• I have lots of white clothes to completely camouflage myself in the event of a mild to moderate snow storm. (Or if I'm required to work in Siberia--which you know I would be). 
• I have amateur lock-picking skills that are quickly progressing into not-amateur.
• I know the lingo.
• I am fairly decent at Golden Eye.
• Once, while paintballing, I shot a drunk guy in the neck whilst perched behind a barrel with my eyes closed. (true story)
• I am often always perceived as "not a threat".
• I am good at lying (like when I said I was fairly decent at Golden Eye. I'm actually amazing.)
• I have had multiple successful attempts at hiding behind corners and then jumping out at unsuspecting siblings.
• I like expensive gadgets.
• I don't like having to pay for expensive gadgets myself.
• I enjoy wearing fancy dresses. (For when I have to infiltrate enemy territory and smooze at parties).
• I'm sweet at kick-boxing.
• I have access to weapons. (It doesn't matter if they are $10 swords off Ebay, hunting rifles, or a bow and arrow. I have access.)
• I eat a lot of yogurt.

Cons:

• I recently had to part with my black, tinted-window spy car.
• If I had to go into ninja-mode, my pale skin would shine too much in the moonlight.
• I don't like martinis.
• I am not good at not talking. (Especially at the movies, but I just have so many comments about the previews!!)
• I only speak English. And Sign Language. And about 15 words in Spanish. And the only accent I can do is an Irish one--but only when saying certain phrases.
• I would never actually respond to my cover IDs.
• I don't currently have a creepy or alluring way of saying "hello."
• I do not in fact own a license to kill.
• I don't want to go to Siberia.